in the desolate night there’s a row of red lights driving under moon and mountain I am so speechless about it in a thousand years, I wonder will anyone be able to tell, digging through route 8 how great it was to be under the stars you can see them though they’re far to be in the front seat drunk and goofy who am I to you? can I be who you want me to? I'm not holding back on that one anymore oh darling, you know me like I know Paul McCartney we read each others books yours, I studied with a passion all the wiser it left me under the moon in the great Rhode Island dunes I felt something stirring deep within me all of the you’s start to blend together it’s fine, I don’t have another avenue to focus on the truth chop up my guts and speak to me freely I don’t care I know who i am now under the moon you and I were perfect for each other being just to be

I’m gonna write some songs just to prove that I’m here and I’ll have lived three lives before anyone cares I’ve been tasting blood through two cuts in my lips that look like vampire bites from a toothy missed kiss I’m surprised to be dancing for nobody’s eyes and singing for none of you guys I need to remember that the only ears that matter are mine I got so drunk off my ex-friend’s red lipstick I thought I fell in love, instead i fell in a ditch but hey now that’s done I feel like less of a wreck and more like someone who’s had many instances of taking the check I’m surprised to be dancing for nobody’s eyes and singing for none of you guys I need to remember that the only ears that matter are mine WAITWAITWAITWAIT I’m surprised to be thinking of somebody’s eyes! I’m hoping that nobody dies so maybe it’s real, maybe this is how I’ll live my life

she runs cotton candy fingers through her hair it bugs me out but I’m too in love to care hold her sticky hands, the lump in my throat dissipates as I slip into this warm familiar haze laying in bed it’s quarter to noon she asks me what it is I plan to do and as I felt the answer climb out from my lungs sweetness shed papillitis on my tongue I suppose that I’ll settle down a mild life in a mild town you know me, cuz I’m staying east bathing my soul in the air of the sea I’ve got a sweet tooth for endless sky blue I’ve got a sweet tooth for me and you

I can’t write a song if it’s not fast I put my trust in things i know won’t last so even though I know all things must pass it’s no fun being detached we’re tired puppies wearing ourselves out we’re so unsure our feelings give us doubt we’re comfortable in piles on the couch we’re tired puppies living ourselves out I missed you Monday, miss you more today I can’t love you at a normal rate tomorrow, I’ll come over help you paint watch your blue eyes look into mine and say we’re tired puppies wearing ourselves out we’re so unsure our feelings give us doubt we’re comfortable in piles on the couch just living life with no real sense of how who knows if we'll ever figure out we're living life with no real sense of how

we’re all victims of osmosis if you tell me it sucks, I'm gonna feel like shit but if you tell me it’s a new birth maybe the pieces will start to fit and I’ll feel some self-worth let’s get fucked beyond repair tonight let’s get hooked on things that aren’t alright I can’t tell if I don’t want to be the bad guy or if I just want everybody else to think I’m a good guy my teeth are throbbing, pounding inside my skull I just let happen, my thoughts begin to dull I’ll keep my old teeth, i’ll keep what’s left of me after seven years, they’ll be all that’s left of this body

July 3rd at the beach the fucking cooler keeps knocking against my feet me and Jack are kinda pissed cause its only filled with beer that we can’t drink because his epilepsy also were underage but it’s sunny and the trees look really pretty we’re making up fake names to get into a party that we really never went into but were 16 and I can dream I guess of being a cooool boooy snaaaap baaaack were at some rich fucks party I’m surrounded by drunk old people not like that’s new to me it’s like BMENT but they’re older! I heard he sold his company for a billion fucking dollars and it’s not that bad, yea it’s kinda funny when his dad’s friends talk to me but if I see one more old man shake his lumpy ass I’m gonna fucking scream if I rid my thoughts of these sharpie marks and mosquito bites and hammerhead sharks will I feel alright? will these feelings talk? will I be able to stand one on one walks with the people I love, like the ones that I’d kiss I just talk real quiet, I just get real nervous and it’s almost like we just endured the process of being ignored

the sky looks bigger than it did a month ago and everything’s to come its 4:44 in early march and I can finally use my feet again after months of feeling dirty I don’t care if the road salt stains my shoes I feel different than I did a month ago not better, not worse but if I spend every minute away from the action as a sudden reaction to a lack of passion locking myself in won’t do me good locking myself out doesn’t feel nearly as good as it should 18 days to fall behind 18 months to get in line 18 years to prove I’m not a fuck up or a waste of space and time 19: destroy my spine 20: I commit no crime (straight edge teach me to survive) 21: I learn to drink and drive I don’t fit my daddy’s jeans makes me feel pretty small but I’ll still go bald says he’ll find some place for me to grow but I don’t know what i could show to prove that there's a sum within me great enough to make him proud I don't know him I can't tell him what he needs to hear to feel at ease so if you mind, I think that I look great in the clothes that I've been wearing for two days straight I'm not gonna change how do you think this works? how do you think this works? how could it not hurt? I wanna move on, gotta get a move on I wanna pack my bags and drive my way across the state I wanna move to the city, I wanna be a freak I wanna have new beginnings, but beginnings aren’t for me getting sick of everything all the time getting sick of words I couldn’t / wouldn’t write we’re heading back to the start now one will know who we are it’s such a tangled web we weave mourning spiders eggs we smashed between our teeth we’ll never even get to see them bleed if there’s always something wrong with you or me when we were younger we would loiter grocery stores we did it cause we said we were always bored now that feeling’s kept alive on life support I only wanna pull the fucking cord so I’ll pick the time and you’ll pick the place cause there’s nothing more refreshing than new scars on my face your legs and your eyes are as restless as mine but maybe we’ll find some longer roads to race

I made my decision with food in my gut don’t know why I needed to upset my heart I’ve been complacent in all my shit luck don’t call me later we’ll sit down and talk come fuck me up because I'm broke and dependent on the people that I love to see the people that I love and I am done with this body and the eyes of my father whenever he sees my broke dick dreams of being your girl we exchanged mannerisms in the moonlight and those hands felt so nice but when her body pressed around mine I felt a chill sent straight to my spine there is no magic moment no voice inside me to say “daws, you can take a break and some credit stay in debt quit your job" how long can I hide behind this boyish glow? but as your feet drag through the mud you’ll realize subtle beauty in the November night you’ll hear cold crickets chirp through the warm cabin’s teeth you’ll smell seedier aspects of youth in the breeze there is no surprise in how we both do what we choose there is no question mark that surrounds the hole in my heart

under the moon, both bathed in blue we talked it all in the Rhode Island dunes but it felt serene, it felt like I knew what exactly I was put here to prove you sing a song, and I hum the tune it sounds nothing like you intended it to but under the moon, we tell the truth she finally sinks and I think I miss you

when I get home there’s a blessing in my lap when I open, it’s a message kind of sad but this lo mein’s not just that yea I slurp up, yea i bite down and its love and my eyes think “maybe crying’s not enough” and my tongue thinks of your tongue the cookie’s advice comes without a hint of wisdom but I’m certain it means more than simply capitalism I try to be a lover, though sometimes I know I’m not so I’m crying in my bed over the food you bought! I was stressed while in the mess hall because I had to get back home and your friends all seem the best why must I just make you feel alone? I only thought after I spoke so I’m shaking and I’m thinking even though all this food looks good I won’t take a single bite back home with me inside my gut it’ll stay put like it should! you silently point towards the fake Chinese food station grab a plastic plate of warm lo mein— it might be just your forgiveness! I try to be a lover, though right now I know I’m not but I’m crying in this dining hall over the food you bought!

moving starting up again it could be so perfect it could be such a picturesque mess catching up with my old friends “have you lost weight? how’s your new boyfriend?” conversation comes easy after you’ve lost touch deliberately making a change penning love notes instead of complaints no watching X-Files reruns on Netflix till dawn Jesus is alive and so am I he is the only boy that can die twice I may not be right but I don’t want to try to prove me wrong or prove me right I am a bitter boy yes! I am a bitter boy I am a bitter boy

babe? what did you say? I’m kind of out of it can I lay on your coat? because I’m cold and I don’t know anyone here at the “party” that’s not a party it’s just your friends and your friend’s friend I took a hit only one but I’m a baby you fucking slay me all of his housemates think I’m an idiot cause I can’t sit still when your hair falls onto your face it’s enough to forget I’m unwelcome in this — shit. I left my water bottle in the car and I need water you know I’ll try not to say a word but I’m forever your embarrassing high school girl in the mirror I made a fool of myself again spend all night wishing we were in bed I made a fool in front of your friends what are the chances that I’ll see them again? cuz I’m forever your embarrassing high school girl I’m forever your embarrassing high school girl yeah, I’m forever I'm forever your girl I made a fool of myself again spend all night wishing we were in bed I made a fool in front of your friends but tell me the chances that I’ll see you again because it’s totally fine if you kiss my cheek if when I wake up you’re still next to me if we both just forget eventually but we go down in history as the lovers who thought they had everything it would be totally fine with me

take good care of yourself when you’re gone there’s nothing wrong with doing what you love because everyone from now on that you meet is gonna think that you’re the coolest geek will we let ourselves drown the spirit of it all in new loves that we found? as I sink my teeth into New York you sink yours into someplace warm my heart’s in Alaska my brain is keeping me tethered to you when Georgia pulls you in so close what am I supposed to do? I talk to you every day but you still feel so far away why do I need to complicate what you’d do for me any day? I’m sorry to say it’s a bit fucked in Texas but I heard it’s pretty nice in North Carolina do you seek the thrill of deep dish in Chicago? it wasn’t love but it wasn’t far from it it wasn’t love but it wasn’t far from it don’t ask for advice because I still need you here